The Best Gift I Ever Gave Myself

 I remember when I was in third grade, my math teacher, didn’t like me and honestly, the feelings were mutual. I don’t even know when it started, but 18 years later I still remember one moment clear as day.

She pulled me aside one morning to tell me my clothes were “inappropriate.” I had on ripped jeans and this blue V-neck top over a sports bra. I was maybe 9 or 10 years old. She said my outfit was making the boys feel uncomfortable and that I needed to dress better. I didn’t even understand what she meant at that age, but I remember the shame that came right after. That’s really when I started to dislike my body.

My breasts were growing so fast, and they made me so uncomfortable. My mom didn’t buy me proper bras, just sports bras —that’s what she thought was appropriate for my age.
Still, everything I wore fit wrong or looked off, and I started hiding in baggy clothes to feel safe.

If you ask me, I honestly believe my breasts developed so fast because of a mix of things — lack of exercise, unhealthy eating, and hormonal imbalance. I even got diagnosed with PCOS at 11 years old.

When I was 15 my doctor first brought up a breast reduction, but I wanted no part of it. I remember thinking, Surgery? Nah, I can fix this on my own. I believed if I lost enough weight, they’d shrink. So I started working out, eating better, and getting more conscious about my body  but not from a loving place. I was punishing myself. I refused to wear clothes I liked because I told myself, you can wear that when you lose weight. I stopped taking pictures too, because I just didn’t like how I looked.

Fast-forward to 22. I had lost the most weight I ever had (gained it back later — story for another day ), and my breasts were still big. And I thought, Dang, I don’t even have kids yet. This can’t be life. That’s when I was like, we’re reducing this, ASAP.

Still, I struggled with guilt. I felt like I was going against my faith. I grew up thinking changing your body was somehow wrong, like I wasn’t being grateful for what God gave me. But deep down I knew that God didn’t want me to live in discomfort, shame, or pain. I prayed about it for years before I finally made peace with the decision.

When I finally went through with it, no one knew. I took an Uber home from the hospital, left against medical advice — it’s wild when I think back on it . I was ashamed at first, like I did something wrong. But that changed after I told my friend J, who’s been my girl since high school . She was so supportive, and I’ll never forget that.

Once I started healing, everything felt different. Wearing clothes finally felt good. I could move freely, breathe deeply, and just feel comfortable. I didn’t wear a bra for a whole year — partly for healing, but also because I didn’t need one anymore, and I loved that.

Now when I look back, I see it clearly: God wanted this for me. He wanted me to be free in my own skin. I’ve always loved my body, I just struggled to feel comfortable in it.

Getting that breast reduction was the best gift I ever gave myself. The most selfless thing I’ve ever done for me. No one influenced me. I did my research, prayed about it, and chose one of the best surgeons at Tufts Medical Center.

If you take anything from this, I hope it’s this:

Don’t let guilt or fear stop you from doing what brings you peace. Whether that’s surgery, therapy, moving, or setting boundaries — you deserve to feel comfortable in your body and in your spirit. Healing isn’t rebellion. It’s alignment.